Thursday, January 17, 2013

PostOp Ain't Easy.

T'was the night after a spay surgery....and the timeline in my house...

10:41 - Bedtime for me and Perri.
11:00 - Perri wants to lay with her head hanging off of the bed.
11:15 - Perri wants to stand over top of me
12:07 - Perri shifts up to Husband Vince's side of the bed
1:34 - Perri wants to stand up and face the wall for no conceivable reason.
2:13- Perri rolls belly up, sticking paws into my nose or other facial features.
2:32 - Perri rolls on side.  Perri stands up and stares at the carpet.  Perri lays down and hangs her head off of bed.
3:15 - Perri wants under the covers with me.
3:59 - Perri wants to spoon with me.
4:10 - Perri wiggles further under the covers and on top of my legs.
(in case you might not be guessing, I am NOT GETTING A LOT OF SLEEP HERE.)
5:10 - Perri wakes up from her longest dormant spoon snuggle and crawls between Husband Vince and myself.  Spoons with Husband Vince.
At least somebody got some sleep!
6:30 - Full bladder.  Poodle paws in my face.  Perri is rolling back onto her back.  Smokey the Cat is downstairs screaming for his food.
7:00 - ALARM GOES OFF.  Ein shoots out from under the bed like a cannon instead of his normal slow trot.
7:01 - Ein zips back and forth in front of me while I slowly pick Perri up off the bed and put her on the ground.
7:02 - Turn on Coffee Maker.
7:05 - Let Perri and Ein outside to potty.
7:06 - Molly waits patiently to be let out. (I cannot let all three out at once in the dark.)
7:10 - Let Molly out.  Let all dogs back in after carefully wiping mud from all 12 paws.
7:20 - Feed Smokey.  Drop Smokey's food all over the floor.  Sweep food up.  Curse liberally.
7:30 - Feed dogs.  Forget Ein's prednisone.  Try to tidy up the basement.  Ein is scampering back and forth, back and forth.
7:31  - Handfeed Perri.  She has no appetite.  Hear strange noise coming from vicinity of litter box...
7:32 - Investigate noise.  MOLLY HAS HER HEAD IN THE LITTER BOX!  Molly drops a chewed up cat turd on the ground, severed into three pieces and bolts for the safety of Her Couch.  Ein is still scampering.
7:35 - Clean up turd.  Clean out litter box.
7:40 - Shower.  Keep poking head out of shower at Perri to assure that she is not licking her incision or eating bathroom trash.
7:50 - Dress for work.  Ein is zooming back and forth in front of me.
7:51 - Get Perri's pain pill.  Wrap in cheese.  Cheese is REJECTED.  The pill is now wet and falls onto the couch.  Ein is now scampering in front of Smokey.
7:52 - Try to push pill down Perri's throat.  She bares her teeth and coughs it back up at me.
7:53 - Second attempt.  Perri bares teeth, flicks tongue and drools profusely, followed up with a head shake that sends pill fragments flying all over couch.
7:54 Swear liberally.
7:55 Smokey has had ENOUGH of Ein's scampering and wallops him in the face.  Ein starts crying.  I am covered in drool, dissolved pain pill and frustration.
8:00 Put pill back on cheese and try to get Perri to eat.  She spits the cheese out, but the pill is gone.  Good enough.
8:02 Strap Cone of Shame onto Perri.  Make Pop Tarts.
8:05 Make two K-cups.  Try to fit both into 16oz travel mug.  Mug overflows.  I am by now in no mood for coffee to be spilled everywhere.
8:07 Finally get into car and leave for work.  Hope for a better evening.

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