Last agility weekend of 2018!

We ended our trialing year of 2018 in a big way, with three days of trials!

Friday night was Einey with two CPE runs: Fullhouse and Snooker! Fullhouse was lovely and in Snooker the Aframe was #5 in the closing so I had to make a plan with big points in the opening so that Ein could still qualify with only making it through four in the closing. Ein says NO to the Aframe these days. We made it happen and Ein ends the year standing at 905 points, getting pretty close to that 1000 point title, buddy! (I am still semi tempted to enter a CPE trial the last weekend of the year so maybe I will make a liar out of my post title.)

I am beyond blessed to have a nearly 14 year old dog still playing agility. What a boy!

Saturday was our agility club's USDAA trial weekend and we had a Masters only trial on Saturday. I had a family get together planned for the afternoon on Saturday, but I still took Molly to the trial for the first two runs! We played Gamblers and almost got the Gamble but not quite. Standard was a real heart breaker, with one bar down and no other faults. Ouch! I did not post about it but a few weekend's ago Molly earned a second P3 Standard Q so she is now just one away from her MAD (P) title. Hey, we earned two Standard Qs for 2018. Not too bad!

That last Standard Q!!!!

What a year for Molly! Her front feet gave her such trouble, the toe injury and the ripping-off-the-entire-toenail ordeal directly to follow! But Unsinkable Molly rose from the ashes and we have been able to play agility together consistently since the late Spring. I have so treasured this year of training with her, actually even more than trialing. I wanted so much to have a year of really excellent training with my best girl and I got it. Every week she has been physically able to, Molly has been in the ring with me, helping me learn and putting up with my short comings and making me a better handler. Molly is my first agility dog and I always feel such guilt for failing her and not making good decisions for her in the beginning but it is a true treasure to still have her ready and willing, to still have a dog who is able to learn with me. 

And Sunday brought Perri's turn since it was a Starters/Advanced only trial that day. Since it was our club's trial I entered Perri in all four classes offered.

We started the day off with a bang by earning Perri's P2 Snooker title! We did "three 4s" and she really opened up in the closing and got all the way through 7. I was thanking the agility gods the weaves were not in the course!

Jumpers was next and while I was very careful with Perri ringside (I kept her at our crating area the entire time.), as we were entering the ring a small dog snarked at Perri's nose just as we were heading for the ring gate. Perri entered the ring with her tail tuck and froze on the start line and would not release on the first cue. She was a bit slow off the start line and through the first tunnel but then she opened it up and we earned her second P2 Jumpers Q and were 13 seconds under standard course time. Perri!! The whole time I was laser focused on staying connected to Perri and not falling into my old habits of looking at obstacles instead of my dog.

There was a very long break after that as we ran Starter Jumpers as well as two Intro classes. Gamblers was next, not Perri's strong area to work away from me. I wanted Perri to do the tire as she can be a little weird about that obstacle, still. The tire was one of the obstacle options on the start line and Perri was the first dog in her height class so I set her up in front of the tire. While the ring crew was setting the tire. She became obsessed with the chain clanging against the plastic tire. Well, I was making good decisions for her! She was very very slow coming off her start line and then did the dreaded stare. Thankfully the dog walk was right there and I got her on it and she shook it off and started running again. She was pretty light and happy but wouldn't send out to a distance tunnel in the Gamble. She actually took some initiative and went to the second obstacle in the gamble instead, so I went with it and told her Go go Go! and praised her at the end.

Standard was last and I gave considerable thought to scratching it. Even more when I got her out of the car and she was rather frozen and hypervigilant. I asked her to get in my chair (which we had been doing all day before her run.) and she went into her crate instead. Now, either she saw the chair as a precursor to her agility run and was saying "no thank you", or she was simply taking the crate since it was now available. By now the trial had emptied out so I was able to have my chair alongside of the crate rather than in front of it (blocking the entrance.)

I was not going to be stressed out by this and snowball with Perri. I did a lot of gentle massage on her sides and encouraged body stretches, we did paws up on the chair to encourage stretching upwards. I massaged her scalp and ears. And Perri actually loosened up and got slightly "springy" again. I don't know how else to describe this way Perri gets when she is relaxed. But she is very "light" and springy and pops around, rather than being sluggish and slow and staring around.

I chose to do a running start. I stood on the start line holding her up with just her rear feet on the ground and pointing her at the dog walk. What a blessing the course started with her favorite obstacle! She did fly off the start line. Back tunnel to jump and weaves. She did all 12 weaves to the pause table and I thought. We are golden now. Famous last words! We then had to do the teeter, to a jump, to a mild pull to a tunnel that was under the dog walk. Miss Thing went super wide (also, I lost connection and took for granted she wouldn't be as hard into extension as she was!) and found the most awkward approach to the dog walk ever and flew down that walk with her tail swishing. I teased "Unbelieeeeeeeeeeeeevable, Perri!!!" And we ran to her leash and ended the run and she ended the day feeling happy and proud.

And what a year for Perri. What a year.

Last year on this day we were at the CPE trial (which was going on in the other ring at this training center.) and I remember Perri was so shut down that she could not even complete a CPE Jumpers course. I remember scratching her from Wildcard and walking back to the USDAA ring to talk to my friend. I told her I was done. And I was. It wasn't that I gave up on Perri, it was that I respected Perri. And if she didn't want to play the game then that was that. 

The year of training that I committed to with Molly has benefited Perri. Perri was my substitute dog when Molly's body couldn't play. She didn't make it easy. We began this year with our team work in tatters. Perri demoralized and me frustrated beyond all reason. Resentful. Molly's bad toe and my financial commitment to training made me fight once again to figure out what could help Perri. Some nights she would work. Some nights she would stare at me. Our instructor never gave up on us, never let me shut down on Perri, she saw what my dog needed when nobody ever has before. And some weeks, in the beginning, Perri needed more than I could give. It's no shame to admit this about myself. Honesty is a the first step to improvement.

Connection. Clear handling. Less pressure. A puppy. New medicine. Raw diet. Less pressure. No matter how much you think you can fool your dog, they know. Perri always knew I was disappointed in her and she could not stand it. She is fragile, she needs support. She needed me to be a better handler, to not be frustrated, to be a better human. She was asking a lot. But I'm ready now, I'm ready to be that person. I remember at the end of 2016 I felt so hopeful for our future and it all fell apart the next year. If Perri doesn't want to play agility in 2019, I can say for certain: I am grateful for our 2018 and all that I learned from it. I am grateful that a few more times, we got to run happy like the wind together. It's enough.

Perri's Weekend, Lots of HOPE

I have made a ton of changes for Perri lately and the positive progress that was trickling in this year has begun to flow.

At the beginning of this year I wrote this post about our progress with fluoxetine. I was feeling lukewarm about the flatness I would see in Perri, but when I added salmon oil to her diet I noticed more energy. This was indeed a temporary and probably coincidental change. Perri continued to be flat, slow to rouse into play and exhausted far more easily than she used to be by most any activity. About three weeks ago, I told our behaviorist that I would like to wean Perri off of the fluoxetine and possibly try something else. Our instructions were to wean down to 10mg and keep Perri on that dose until our appointment to see how she does on that dose. We returned to 10mg on April 16th. 

Last weekend I had Perri adjusted by her chiropractor. Jaw out and some cervical misalignments. We visited because I wanted to discuss the spasming that I often see in Perri's lower back, check for any adjustments that needed to be done and find out if I can be doing anything more to help Perri's spine feel more comfortable. Of course, all of the adjustments were needed "up higher"! In addition to the active stretches I had been already doing, we were given a few more. I also purchased a Back on Track mesh blanket for Perri. I have heard very good things about these jackets and I feel that Perri can benefit.

So, a lot of good thoughtful changes for Perri. I am also pursuing retesting Perri's thyroid levels, as she tested a "low normal" in December of last year. I have added a probiotic to Perri's diet, the same type that I use for Molly. A happy gut is a happy dog.

And Perri is a happy dog. I started to notice increased silliness within less of a week of decreasing the fluoxetine. Just little things. Flinging a toy up in the air and doing a ridiculous spin for one of Vince's workers. Actual interest and demand in play time with her standard poodle friend Zoe. And just in the last week, we had one of Perri's famous pounce zoom fests in the back yard, it has been a while. Last Monday in agility class Perri turned it on like I have not seen from her in a long time. She did both of her "turns" with really nice motivation, desire for her ball and actual fast and intense weave poles (with a pop at the 10th weave and a restart where she went even faster after being asked to do them a second time rather than crumbling mentally.)

Yesterday I volunteered with a friend of mine who was holding a lure coursing ring to raise money for a rescue at a large dog event held in my area. I felt apprehensive about letting Perri course. I was really struggling with making the Right Decision. On one hand, Molly has gone lame coursing three times now and I knew that Perri had an agility run the day after at a trial. I am trying so very hard to narrow down the activities I do with my dogs and be more focused. But on the other hand, I love how Perri opens up, de-stresses and gives in to raw prey drive in coursing. In the end I made the decision to let Perri run the course two times, once at the beginning of the day and the next time four long hours later at the end of the event. (It was very popular, we had a line 10-15 dogs deep the entire day!) She was full on BagBrain and each time she ran, Zoe poodle got to run with her (and Zoe did a great job following Perri and/or the bag the entire time, she did not leave or get distracted by anything. A great start!)

I was very nervous that Perri would be too tired for her agility run today. We have had a really really nice week since that beautiful agility class on Monday. On the prior dose of fluoxetine, Perri would typically be wiped out and it would be a big ??? how an agility trial would go the next day. It doesn't help that it was naughty of me to enter today's trial in the first place. It was for pure social reasons that I entered, my friend was going to be there and the original plan was to enter Molly but then that bonehead went and ripped her toenail off at the lake a few weeks ago so....hey I do have another dog, right?! So, I entered Snooker with Perri.

But Perri was....great! The Snooker course was laid out so that in order to get the best flow I ran to the back of the ring with her to use our first red, rather than starting on a "red" on the start line. On our way out there she got distracted by a male ring crew but did call off of him fairly quickly. We ran our course and there were some angles that I was fretting I would lose her on, as well as a jump wrap but she really ran her little heart out and was fast and happy! I was so proud of her and it felt awesome. We started the close and it was a diagonal line from 2-the first jump of 5. 5 was a 180 jump combo. Well I lost Perri to visiting a ring crew who also is a friend of ours, how could Perri not say "hi"? I was going over in my mind if I should be trying to recollect Perri back around the jump to try to earn enough points, or just ignore it and run out the finish and forget #5 but I ended up trying to get her and reset her. It turned out to be a not horrible choice, although I am aware it was not the ideal choice. I can't quite remember what happened but I know that Perri was like "Haha you're weird I'll just take the jump!" and then we had a merry happy little race to the exit and she was mighty proud of herself and quite happy and that is what matters! On reflection, I'm really proud of her for not freezing up when I confused her by trying to bring her back to the correct side of the jump, and just making a decision instead.  She was not sure what I wanted, but there was a jump in front of her so she took it! I am okay with that. Very unlike her and very confident! I did notice that Perri was very bothered by us getting to the leash chair at the end. I need to work on a more positive association with ending the run and getting equipment put back on her.

After Perri's run I let her sit in my lap for a while. Perri had a very good day of behavior fear reactivity-wise as well. Something to discuss with our behaviorist. Perri saw a very drivey doberman yanking on a tug toy walk across the crating area, she had eyes on a german shepherd trotting briskly along but she actually LAT'd to me and then a bearded shepherd was crated next to us and warming up for a run. Perri noticed it but reoriented to me quietly. And I was paying big for all of this with bits of dehydrated lamb lung. And I am proud of myself because I interrupted a conversation with a friend to say that Perri had been very successful and I thought she should go out to the car before something pushed her too far and she had an explosion at a dog.
I am very excited about Perri's self assurance around three situations that would have triggered fear reactivity behavior in her. I have no doubt she was still concerned about all three dogs, but she trusted me today and did not feel the need to freak out and warn those dogs away from her.

Go. Team!

I am so optimistic and so terrified it will all fall apart again. That's our journey, I am learning to embrace it and not resent it. It's easy to say that now when we are progressing in the right direction!

Connection.

I keep having to pinch myself and get my head out of the clouds after Sunday's AKC agility trial with Miss Perri! Entering Perri was quite honestly something I did because I wanted to go spend the day at a favorite trial site with good friends of ours. Entering the Excellent level is completely out of the question for Perri, but fortunately you are allowed to start at Novice again if you drop your dog to Preferred. I made that decision last year, but have done exactly one AKC trial with Perri since then, and she only qualified in FAST. Regular titling classes still in play for a drop to Novice.

And Novice would be perfect. Simpler courses for us would allow me to work hard at staying connected with Perri and putting into play the changes that I need to make about myself for Perri's sake. And bonus: since we were playing AKC, she could wear a collar and eliminate all of the issues that come with equipment being put on and off of her body. Regardless, I was terrified. Perri used to absolutely adore this trial site. But last year she was incapable of doing more than a few obstacles the last time we were there, and she was obsessed with worry about a door in the back of one of the rings.

We arrived bright and early for JWW, oh the joys of Novice! We were in the "ring with the evil door", but thankfully it was early morning and there was no harsh sunlight coming in (that was the trigger the last time.) It was not long after arrival that I was walking the course and then taking Perri into the ring. I chose to do a start line stay. I focused so hard on maintaining connection, being cheerful. And we did a really really awesome job, Perri was absolutely flying and I was handling her nicely! And then we had an oops. I didn't realize until I watched my video what exactly happened. Perri has a delicate throat and if she is stressed she will either have a sneezing fit or a coughing fit. During our run I pushed a little too hard on her line and she ran for a wrong course tunnel. I called her with an upbeat tone but she knew it wasn't right and started coughing ("hackerdoodling", we call it!). And of course the weaves were the next obstacle. I decided to just forget about it and let her run out the last three jumps, a nice straight line, and she took the first one but blew past the last two. Residual stress.

I felt disappointed in my behavior and my mistake. I did feel better when I saw the video, because there was a clear cause for her behavior and a way for me to improve so that she doesn't feel this way again. I thought that the weave poles had triggered the coughing, but it was actually the error of running for the tunnel. (my fault!) Regardless, we had a phenomenal time on most of the course and I did not expect perfection!

And then it was the loooooooong wait until the end of the day for Novice Standard. Oh the joys of Novice! I was hoping that we would not have an enthusiasm crash for the second run of the day, that is a thing that could happen. The opening of the course was a two straight jump with a sharp 90 degree turn. There were lots of curvy lines of jumps. As much as the JWW course was a Perri-friendly course, the Standard one was not a confidence builder. I chose to lead out just a little bit and then tried a front cross in front of jump #2. I was not miserably late with the front cross but I could have been clearer, and Perri ran right behind me, took a wrong course jump, and headed towards the A-frame. I did not even say a word but when I turned to her, she was frozen. She looked at the Aframe and then started looking around the ring and looking at me. A staring fit. My worst effing nightmare. I tried to do the claw hands and jazz her out of it. No. Then I did another new thing I have been trying in class. Our instructor told me when she shuts down I should ask her for a nose touch or a trick, something quick and easy to make her feel successful and re-engage her with me. I've actually been doing a down and have had a lot of success with that. I've even been working downs into the start line. It's rather strange because downs used to be very unnerving for Perri, but I don't question it! I think somewhere in our fold back down nerd training and the table down value building, she has begun to enjoy the position.

I got down on the ground, real quick and talked silly talk with her and asked her to down. She bowed, she wagged her tail and she dropped and just looked into my eyes and I ran away from her and asked her to come with me. For a half second she just lay there and I thought, "Well. That's that!" But then she absolutely exploded up and did the next three jumps! (And promptly skipped the tire and the weaves but we just kept running!) Then it was the pause table and well you bet I asked her for a down again! She was flying high after that, running as fast as she is capable of, blowing her contacts and finished the whole course over a curved line finish. Whoah!! I was floored by her! It was a royal NQ (Just take note in the video of the judge signalling mad faults!) but we don't care, it was so much fun!!!!!!

I am over the moon with this girl and I'm just gonna brag that I am proud of me. I went into this year feeling absolutely powerless on how to reach Perri, feeling like it was all over. I got over feeling jaded about agility classes and found an instructor that saw exactly where I was failing Perri. I am forever grateful. If there was a single thing in my power to help this dog, I would crash into it and attack it. And I did. We did. I am so afraid of everything crashing down again on us, afraid of making too many handling mistakes and setting her back. I keep thinking "but she won't weave but she blows her contacts but but but but"...but I think everything is going to fall right into place when our confidence soars back where it belongs.

"'Scuse me while I kiss the sky!"

The Power of Words

Yep a second post today.

Some time ago I decided to stop verbally saying I hated Standard, that I sucked at it, you get the idea.

Today I decided the same thing about Perri.   Oh, I don't slander her out of dislike or cruelty.   It's self depreciating humor.   Today some neighbors dropped by for a beer and when I called Perri 'weird', they were...offended.   It took me by surprise because, well, Perri is weird.  And I call her weird every single day.  Because, she. is. weird.  Where does the line between outright negativity and the reality of my dog Perri's limitations lie?   It is feeling very very blurred lately.

No more.   Suppressing those little smart ass quips today made me realize how often I say them.  In my email exchange requesting a drop in class I wanted to mutter, or think to myself, "Yeah.   If she will even work the entire class."   And here's the thing: I have a reason.   I have a long history of Perri not working the entire class.   Of trying my very very best with every awesome high value food and a bag full of her favorite toys.   Of developing my personal play skills better than they have ever been before.   And a history of none of that mattering because when Perri is done working it is lights out, my friends.

But guess what?   Dwelling on it, expecting it to happen, and talking about it is not helping.

On the way out the driveway to class saying good bye to my husband and wanting to respond to his "Have fun!" wishes with the same sentiment. "Yeah, we'll see.   It's Perri.   I'll take what I can get."
I forced myself to say, "We're going to have a great time!"   It was an effort.   I mentally checked and caught myself.

I remember doing that with my Standard phobia/hate.   I remember the words wanting to come out so badly.    Self depreciating humor is how I relieve embarrassment, how I avoid sadness.   Laugh it off, make a joke.  It is a comfort and a friend.   But when you are in a partnership with another living being, things need to be readjusted.   And the words I speak about Perri are in need of a change.

I was "rewarded" by getting to class and finding out we were doing a 12-jump rear cross drill.   If there is any skill that Perri gets demotivated it is one rear cross let alone....like, six.   Still I said, "This is a great skill for Perri to work on."   When I wanted to say "I thought we might enjoy class but now she's going to shut down and make me feel sad."

And dammit if that poodle didn't go right out there and do every rear cross like a total boss!  Not only was our attitude excellent, but I could see that the work we've been doing at home on the rear cross has translated to the class environment.   Yea!

The next hurdle was that we were going to run a second sequence.   I usually split our training class, one run for Molly and one for Perri.   Tonight I brought only Perri to class.   The reason I split the class is that Perri often shuts down hard after one run, even if it is lovely and she is feeling happy.   More negative thoughts.  More truthful thoughts.   Where does that line lie?
Oh well, no more talking about it.   When I got Perri out of her crate for the second run she was reserved and seemed to me to be in "that sulky mood".   I wasn't going to accept "that mood", I was thinking positive tonight.   I got her duckie toy out, I asked her for her tricks.   I asked her where "daddy daphnee luna" are?   I teased her with the duckie and finally she cracked.    Her lips snarkled and she bared her teeth and pounced on her toy and I knew I had her.

And even though the sequence was "Jump to weaves" to start and I wanted to groan about how Perri would be demotivated about that, I said nothing and we went in there and we did it.   Perri ran that second course clean and fast and got her duckie subwoofer toy to pounce around with and we had a great night and lived happily ever after.

It's a start.

It won't always be perfect, but maybe it could be.   I'm not going to be the tentative one holding us back with negativity.   I am done with that and we are moving forward.  If a simple thing like holding my words in can help us, that is the least I can do.   It has worked before for Team Molly.

Love, if your wings are broken, borrow mine so yours can open, too.   Cause I'm gonna stand by you.   Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through.   Even if we can't find heaven.  I'll walk through hell with you.   Love you're not alone, cause I'm gonna stand by you.

It Is What It Is

Picking up where I left off....

I failed raw diet.   We did good for about five days.   I was feeling very empowered, with some bumps in the road.   I upgraded to chicken leg quarters because Molly was eating the legs too fast and vomiting due to "gulping" and eating too fast.  (being a good food hound, she was happy to eat the vomited raw meat.    Recycling!)   Ein was struggling with the chicken legs because he has no upper carnassials, so I was toying with getting pre-ground for him.   I ended up getting chicken wings because those are softer bones.

The fifth day we had a rough day.   Since we started the whole thing I was fairly anxious, and literally having trouble sleeping.   It's silly but it was a big change to our routine, I didn't want my dogs to be sick or vomit/diarrhea in the house.   The fifth day Perri had a really bad mucousy poop, and Perri rarely has any GI issues.    Ein struggled even chewing the wing and eventually swallowed it whole which upset me and worried me.   Molly had a vomiting episode even with the large leg quarter.   The thought of going back to kibble was exhilarating and comforting and so I did and I'm happy with that decision.

There will probably be a Raw Food v2.0 in my future but....not for a while.  And that's okay.

I got out of work early yesterday, after a really rough week....and took the dogs to a small river park that has a nice wooden dock.   It is further than our usual swimming spot and the frustration with that is always that if somebody is using the dock, I've driven further and the dogs can't play.   We lucked out and got the dock to ourselves.

Why do I want Perri to dock jump?   Ein never dock jumped and I never cared.   Maybe it's because Perri is a big dog, maybe it is because she is afraid to do it and that makes me dig in and want her to do it more.   Perri has been afraid of a lot in our time together, and the overcoming of those fears has made her into a much more secure dog for it.   As far as I'm concerned, learning how to throw caution to the wind and dive into water off of a dock can only benefit Perri's confidence. (Plus I have to admit I dream of taking her to a dock diving trial, you don't see too many poodles!)

"oh god, please don't try to make me into a fool like this brindle dog!"

Perri jumped off of a dock for the first time in September 2015, the week before her shoulder injury was officially diagnosed.    I did not attempt dock jumping again with her until a few months ago.   No particular reason other than docks aren't easy to come by and I wasn't committed to the task.   My method with Perri is to take her and Molly onto the dock.   I throw the ball in.   Perri wants the ball because I have Molly restrained, and Perri loves getting Molly's ball and teasing her with it.   She is afraid to jump so she does plenty of cowardly clinging on the side of the dock, squealing and barking at the ball.   I let Molly get close to her to build up more excitement and pressure on Perri, and by then Molly is screeching bloody murder at not being allowed to get her ball.   Yesterday, Perri had a brilliant idea!   She would just run off the dock, and run into the water and get the ball.   No jumping needed.   Wrong!   As soon as she made that choice I let go of Molly's collar and of course Molly snagged up the ball.   After two strikes of that, Perri was sufficiently motivated to jump into the water, squealing like a coward the whole way.  

We had a lot of time yesterday to work on this, and Perri eventually got to the point where she was smoothly jumping into the water for a ball throw - some jumps were even without hesitation.   This is very exciting!  

"Sure, use me like a whore....whatever just throw the ball and let go of my collar!"

I am excited to continue generalizing this to different docks with Perri and to not have to rely on teasing her with threat of Molly-will-get-the-ball-so-just-f%$&-jump!  I think tomorrow we will try to get some dock time at a lake that is on our way home from the agility trial we are entered in.  

"Ahhh, I deserve to roll in some dead earthworms for being so brave, right?"

Bolstered by Perri's enjoyment of jump exercises, I finally ordered Susan Salo's jump grid workbook for some more cool training exercises to do with Perri.  (Bonus if she stops jumping with Big Air, "like a poodle.")   Last night I set a grid up in the yard for Perri, thinking that some do-able jump work would be enjoyable and confidence building for her.  We did a minimal amount of reps, I made adjustments to the grid we were using based on Perri's needs, took breaks often - it was a really nice time.   Perri never disengaged, and was always interested in what we were doing and happy to do the work.   That's happy making for me!

This year has been derailed for me quite a few times and has turned out nothing like I expected it would at the end of 2016.   Molly's very existence in my life has been threatened by lymphoma (and reclaimed!) and, secondary to that, our agility journey is a huge question mark.   I began doing agility to help myself with seasonal affective disorder, I used to suffer quite badly from it in the winter time.   Agility was chosen as a means to help myself heal and it still continues to serve that purpose.   It's "just a game" apparently, but for me it has been a therapy, a means for personal growth and bond with my dogs and has led me to meet so many people that I never would have known.   The thought of no longer having agility in my life due to my partner being sick or unsound is devastating to me.   Is agility more important than my dog Molly, is she just a means for me to play this game that I love?   Absolutely not.   Is agility more important than my relationship with Perri and helping her be the best she can be?   I will not allow that.

I love agility so much because of what playing this game did for Molly and I.   It made me fall in love with and respect a dog that I did not really like.   And I have decided that I need to stop deciding where my journey with Perri is supposed to go.   Just like I did with Molly.   I am giving up on the human concept of linear progress with Perri.   Perri started off so promising, then she injured her shoulder.   We rehabbed the shoulder.   It took a while to return to normal function, nearly an entire year.   But she did, she followed the path of linear progress and at the end of last year, she was the best she has ever been.   But this year Perri's progress detoured in the most confusing and upsetting way and I am tired of mourning that and agonizing about it.   I am tired of making Perri a project and trying to brainstorm up Plan A-Z on how to improve her strange little brain.  

Perri is happy when I am happy.   It's simple, stupid.   So I aim to go forth and be happy with the next half of this year.   After all, what choice do I have?   My sister always says, "It is what it is."

It is what it is.   So I'm going to make the most of what I've got.

Bag Brain Day

The dogs and I have been enjoying our rest-of-May off of trialing, doing more training and hiking and relaxing.   This past weekend there was a lure coursing fun run being hosted semi-locally to us and since I was free I thought why not let Molly enjoy chasing the bag again?

Molly one million percent did not forget her bag, as soon as she saw it move she was shrieking and ready to get in the ring.   Her first run she was so overaroused she latched onto the plastic folding ring gate that was over the entrance through the snow fencing!   No video, but Molly enjoyed three runs - the last one a double - of pure bliss.

Since Perri comes along to nearly everything we do, even if she is not participating, I had signed her up for a run.   She would be there anyway and why not see if her opinion had changed?   This was the last time we tried, August 2014.   Perri was interested, but her fears overruled any interest she might have had that day.

Do I care if Perri chases a bag?   Not really.   Do I care if Perri can relax and enjoy herself?   Yes!   I got Perri out and started warming her up, trotting her around.   We actually went around the side of the snow fencing to get a geocache and while I was signing the log, we were sitting in the gazebo where it was hidden.   Perri was watching the lure with great interest.   Suddenly she erupted barking!   I still wasn't convinced, maybe she was just barking at the running dogs.

It was not the dogs.   We went and stood by the entrance and Perri was getting into a frenzy watching the lure zing around!   She was up on her rear legs, leaning back against me and doing some of her ridiculous yodel barking!   When we got into the ring she was dragging me towards the lure and when I unleashed her she followed it the whole way around the field barking her fool head off the entire way around.

I was floored.   

I have been crushed recently over Perri's backslide to some of her fearful behaviors, some of her actions of low confidence - all seeming to have stemmed from Molly's diagnosis and all of the stress and uncertainty of that time.  It started to feel as though all of the progress that she made on conquering her worries about the world was gone and while such is life when trying to help a complicated dog like Perri, it still did not feel very good.   Again, it's chasing a bag.   But it is something that Perri was too afraid to do a few years ago even if she might have wanted to.   Fear did not rule Perri on that field yesterday, Perri won.   And I so needed to see that.   I needed to see my girl win for a change.   Not win a ribbon or a Q, but to win the battle that wages in her brain all the time.

After her second run (yes, we did a second!) I did a cool down walk with Perri but she had other ideas.   She flopped down in the grass and panted with her eyes closed and I took this photo.   It might be my favorite Perri photo ever - totally blissed out and happy-exhausted after running full out and driven by nothing but pure prey drive instinct.   No tricky mind games, no puzzles, no worrying, just a normal dog out having a good day in the sun.     

Four Days of Nope.

I was really excited about my four day weekend.   Four days, all three of my dogs, three different sports.   It had the makings of an amazing weekend.  And then I got my ass handed to me.

Friday was AKC Agility with Perri and it was absolutely pouring down rain and freezing.   We were indoors but I still got wet and I was still freezing.   The last time we were at this trial site, Perri shut down, so I did not know what to expect.   In standard she was an absolute clown and refused to weave.   In JWW she fixated on The Door and shut down.  Okay.

We went on an awesome five hour long hike and found some really high rated geocaches and honestly.   It was probably the best part of my weekend.   One thing is for sure, Perri is an awesome trail dog.   She stays close, she never lags or runs out of energy and she clearly enjoys herself.

Saturday was supposed to be better.   Molly was joining us for more AKC Agility!   Standard was pretty good, with good focus but no weaves.   JWW she was hot and cold in the ring so we left early to preserve motivation.   Perri will take a month off of agility trials and will be dropped to Preferred 20" in AKC.   She seems to like that jump height better all around.   Perri used to love the trial site we were at, and now it just seems to make her worry.

Molly had a "fun" day.   Wrong end of the tunnel in the FAST send, blew the dog walk to grab a wrong course tunnel in Standard and in JWW also made a beeline for a wrong course tunnel during a discrimination challenge.   I'm sure I was not clear enough to her, but Molly doesn't need much muddying of the handling to choose a tunnel over a jump.   Honestly, I had stopped expecting any Qs in AKC Agility.   It just didn't seem like something that happened for us.   So when Molly got a Standard Q last month, it sort of messed with my mind set.  No matter!   Molly was running fast and happy with decent weaves (missed entry in both classes, though.), so.   It's cool.

Sunday was Ein's turn in CDSP Obedience.   I felt really confident going into this trial.   Ein and I had worked on his rough spots from the last trial.   (To review: ticking broad jump, no down on the drop on recall, and anticipating the retrieve.)  We NQd both trials.
On my first dumbbell send I clipped Ein's nose when I gave him the hand signal to retrieve his dumbbell.   He gave me a wounded look but went out to the DB, did not retrieve it until I gave him a re-cue.   Same with the retrieve over jump.   With the Go Out, he acted like he had never ever heard of such a concept in his life.
The second trial, Ein broke his stay on the drop on recall.   I was floored.   Ein has always had rock solid stays and in nearly five years of Rally and obedience trialing he has only broken one stay and it was when he was very stressed.   Good retrieves, though I threw much shorter since we had already NQd.   The Go Out again, total confusion.

I was very shocked  by some of Ein's errors.   At first my brain started whirring: maybe we really should join a class to work on these exercises.   We do a lot of training at home and at parks or parking lots and stores, but never in a class room.   But here is the reality of it.   Ein is 12.   I don't want to amp up his training.   He loves working on exercises together and training, but at his age I don't really think it is right of me to intensify our training.   I am also starting to wonder about his eye sight.   Just this year he has started bumping into rally signs in the ring and that is something he absolutely never used to do.   And it seems like when I throw the DB too far out, he runs out after it but then loses track of it.   He runs around and around trying to find it and sometimes he does, but then he does a nervous nose touch on the DB.   I don't know.   And the Go Out, he just didn't seem to see his mark at all - just ran out a few feet and stressed.   Maybe he doesn't get the concept at all.   In brightly lit areas, though, he does not seem to struggle.  I suspect the judge's proximity was also a factor, she was standing very close.

So.   Right now I have decisions to make.   At this point, if I trial him again, it will be at our old training club.  Period.   He is familiar there, he was not stressed there in January.   In fact, he was clownishly anti-stressed!  And perhaps at 12 years old, the stress of a trial site he had never been to was a bit much.   No more new trial sites, buddy.


Now I thought surely today, our bonus trial day of Barn Hunt with Molly would be a surefire Q on at least one run!   The Barn hunt trial was outdoors on the grounds of a hotel resort.   We were entered in two rounds of Open and up for Molly's title.

Nope.  Not this weekend.

Molly would not indicate.   Then she false indicated.   Then she would not even think about sniffing the rat when I showed it to her.   Our second trial we did get one rat, but I called rat on a litter tube.   Molly gave it a good long sniff and I thought that was going to be as good as it got.   Molly had always been so reliable with her indication if I asked her about a tube.   She would not indicate on a litter tube if I asked her, and is always willing to check and indicate on a rat.   The only thing I can attribute this behavior to is the noisy construction site, complete with jackhammer and banging metal sounds, at the property neighboring the hotel resort.

So.   530 miles.   11 entries.   3 dogs.   Zero Qs.   Oof.

I'm good at rolling with the failures and accepting them.   It's not all successes and I never expect it to be!   But this was a bit embarrassing for me, I have to say.   I haven't felt this foolish since that September in 2014 when I entered Perri in Novice A and we were woefully unprepared.   Perri has developed a new, confusing and upsetting issue and we are going to work on that.  Molly was Molly in the agility ring, but her behavior in Barn Hunt really surprised me.  It is frustrating to continue fighting her noise phobia in the Barn Hunt setting and I am concerned she is developing a conditioned response due to how many times she has been shut down by gunshot or similar sounds when trying to play BH.   And with Ein, we worked hard on his problem areas but new ones came up - but now I am guilty of perhaps overlooking his age and taking advantage of his enthusiasm and not helping him respect his limitations.   It all caught me off guard.   I feel like a failure for not training my dogs well and for not assessing them properly.   Add in Perri's not so awesome nosework trial last weekend, and I'm feeling pretty low.

Right now some retail therapy feels in order (I'm thinking a set of Fit Bones!) as well as a small break from trialing to enjoy some extra hiking time and reconfigure our minds.

Failing Upward

On Friday the 13th Molly and I ended our 6-month break from AKC Agility.   I felt that my handling of the weaves as well as her confidence had grown, and that we were ready.  Over last year I shook away a lot of the mental distress I brought with me to trials: the negative thinking, the hatred of Standard and the defeatist attitude.   In the last half of the year I really feel that I made huge strides in keeping away from stressing out Molly while she is weaving, to the point where she has begun to do some of her best weaving ever at trials, consistently.

Our first trial of 2016 was at this same trial center, and it was a CPE trial.   We had taken a month off to re-center, to clear up Molly's anal gland infection, and to head down the path of clearing away my anxiety demons.   This year found us back at the same trial center, but at an AKC trial.   I was once again under mental stress.    This is so frustrating for me.

Molly has a history of stressing up from the AKC environment - and I get stressed out and anticipate that behavior.   I have a history of getting Too Serious, because it is my favorite venue and the one that I feel most challenged by.   It is the venue that laid bare any and every issue that we have, the venue that refuses to let us get away with anything.  It stresses me out, and yet I love it.   Entering this weekend's trial, as well as other AKC trials I have entered this year, was a big decision for me.   I am more laid back in CPE and USDAA, and Molly responds well to that.   But that laid back attitude did not come naturally - I challenged myself again and again and worked towards that.   And now I'm ready for the next step in our journey: stop spazzing out at AKC trials!

This weekend I was fighting against myself.  Just as I was fighting against myself a year ago at that CPE trial - fighting so hard to stop from speaking negative things about Molly and I out loud.   Fighting so hard to believe in us.   This is not going to come quickly for me, but I will do it.   I did not enter Perri in this trial because I needed to just focus on one dog.   And that dog was Molly.   My wild girl who can bring out the worst in me, but who stands by my side while I weather the storm and we both walk out of it as a better team.   That's us, that's me and Molly.  

On Friday we started with Standard.    One two jumps and into the wrong end of a tunnel.   Bat out of hell blasting over a serpentine, missing a jump and nearly knocking me on the ground.   Over the Aframe and up onto the pause table for another wrong course.   Two more jumps and a wrong course tunnel.   Drop dead gorgeous weaves.    Jump run out at the end on the second to last jump.   And on our way back to the crate she tried her best to mug the "Bone Stand" (another of our AKC-specific nemesis.   A huge multi-table vendor full of every type of bone, chewie and animal body part imaginable.)  
Jumpers with Weaves was far better with another set of beautiful weaves (with a very independant entry that was hard for me to '"let go and let Molly do her job).   A wrong course jump got us, but I was really thrilled!

We went for a four mile walk, found some geocaches and spent the evening and the next at my parents' house since they live near the trial site.   When my mom and I went out on Saturday and left Molly alone in the house with just my dad, she took full advantage.   She ate all of their two cat's food. (a huge full bowl).   She ate all of their dachshund's dinner, a square of Little Cesar's dinner.   I did not know about either of these things, yet.   My mom and I suspected the wet dog food was eaten by Molly, but we were not sure.  

Sunday morning around 2am, Molly grew very restless in bed with me.   She is historically very annoying to sleep with, some nights worse than others.   She shifts around a lot, she bed hogs, she stands straight up and "flaps" her ears and then stamps all over the place until you meet her demands for comfort.    She was doing a lot of that, and softly whimpering.   When she failed to settle I thought that one of the cats was underneath the bed and Molly was beside herself.   I kept ordering her to lay down and I will admit I was getting very frustrated.   But she kept it up.   I considered going down to the couch with her to see if she could settle better, without the cat.   It never once occurred to me that Molly might have to go potty.   At that point, to my knowledge, Molly had not had anything rich to eat in excess - and Molly hates getting out of bed in the middle of the night.   More than I do!   And she had been pottied before we went up to bed.   But finally, she started shaking and panting and I seriously thought, "Is there a storm?"  Even then, my dense half asleep brain could not imagine she had to go potty.   I finally asked her, though I thought it was not at all what she wanted, if she had to go outside.   She was off the bed like a shot and hurtled down the stairs and stood panting at the door.    You have to leash your dog outside where my parents live, so there I was in my pajamas with no coat, having to pee very badly watching my poor dog who had been begging to go outside for an hour finally relieved herself of a huge amount of explosive diarrhea.    She slept very soundly until it was time to get up for the trial.  Poor Molly!   I felt so guilty for not getting her out sooner.

Molly was in good spirits in the morning.   She squeezed out a bit more diarrhea, ate her breakfast with a great appetite and had plenty of energy.   No doubt we would still go play agility with that good attitude.   She had a little bit more diarrhea at the trial site, but mostly a lot of loud farting and not much poop coming out.   Molly ran really well but popped out of the weaves on both Standard and JWW.  

Devastated doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about that.   Give us NQs, wrong course tunnels any day but weave sadness is paralyzing to me.   Of course after a few hours of licking my wounds I realize Molly's belly must not have been feeling well still, and when it came to her most stressful obstacle - that was gonna show.   I also specifically remember catching myself clapping in Standard and I have no doubt I did that in JWW.   That's a big no-no.   And I know why I did it.   We were still qualifying up until that point, and I had the dreaded Q-brain.   The clapping is pressure and it is a sound that Molly has very negative associations with when she is weaving.   I made a mistake, and I pressured her when she was struggling.   And I will make every effort not to do that again.   It feels good to have a reason after thinking it through: the diarrhea and the clapping in combination.   I hope that is all it was, not a back slide of progress.  

So, did we come roaring back to AKC successfully?   Not really.   But will we grow as a team there?   Yes, we will.   I already have more direction than I did when the weekend began.

Perri and Agility

My last post was about Molly and I called it, "A turn for the best."   But what of Perri?

I think my most enormous challenge with Perri right now is getting her to be consistently motivated.  When Perri is in a "good mood", she is incredible.   She is fast, responsive and has beautiful weaves.  But I struggle with knowing how to get "that dog" more often than not.   I know that Perri prefers louder, busier trials.  Multiple rings.  It is easier to get that "high" out of Perri in those situations.

I did not even blog about Perri's last two trials.   One trial was a USDAA trial.   Perri qualified in Jumpers but a dog tugging and growling ringside threw her off and she was fairly slow and unmotivated.  Our Standard run began just as a freak rainstorm blew in.   There was rain blowing into the building and hammering on the ceiling.   Perri seemed to like this fine but had a weave fault and was a few seconds over time as a result.   This wasn't surprising to me since the weaves were right next to a huge open door and the rain and wind were blowing in on her.

Two weekends ago Perri played some CPE agility.   Her weaves were iffy all weekend and she was very "herky jerky" with her motivation.   She would be fast on some spots on course and slow on other parts.  This run is from the Saturday morning of that trial.   Two runs later Perri got so weird and slow that she stopped in front of jumps and was sluggish going into tunnels.   What gives?  I worked out of the car so that Perri could be separated from the noise of the trial.  She likes that.   It was more than a little upsetting to see her become so miserable to do agility - I was actually concerned that she was in pain and injured again.

Needless to say, I left the trial feeling mildly crushed.  The day after this trial was my sister's baby shower, which I was hostessing.   I had a mind full of the responsibilities of the party, and I really needed to just move on and not dwell.   That night my friend texted me about a champion bull rider she had been watching on TV.   He was being interviewed and when he was questioned on how he felt about his failure the day before, he said, "I don't remember yesterday."

I tucked that away in my mental inventory.   I liked it.  And it is something important to consider when it comes to dealing with Perri's weirdness and sensitivity.  This is not to say that I don't learn a lot from past experiences, because I do.   I learn a lot and I move forward accordingly.  But after this particular trial, with Perri behaving as though she hated this miserable activity of agility that I force her into... I needed to just forget about this "bad patch" and move forward into tomorrow.

This is not easy for me.   I obsess, I dwell, I ponder.   I ask "why, why, why", ,I bang my head against the wall, I'm like a bird flying into a window trying to think and discover.   But more and more I am training my mind to let go, open up and let time do it's magic.   Incredibly, Perri came around four days later in class.   Background: Perri hates training class.   If I get one good run out of her, that is a miracle.   But for some reason, Molly did not feel like going to agility class and so I took Perri.   And she worked solidly until the end of the class - and even better.   I got it on video.

Oh, she is still Perri.   She still struggled with pushing out to the tunnel after a rear cross (she did it one time, not on video, thank you very much.  One time is plenty.)   But her attitude was so positive and those weaves.   And she weaved like that all night.   Multiple reps.  But more than that, Perri had fun at class.   She had fun doing agility.   Wow!

And thankfully, I had not entered Perri in last weekend's trial.   It was a weekend just for Molly - and a much needed break for Perri.   Perri still came along to the trial, she got to get petted and loved and fed treats - but she did not have to run in the ring.  

I know Perri loves to play agility.   I just cannot understand why sometimes she is fearless and confident and then other times she is slow and dutiful.  I think I just need to work towards more experience as a team, supporting Perri and accept her for who she is, and where she is.  Some days are easier than others, but as I have been saying all this time: Perri is so worth it.

A Turn for the Best

Molly and I followed up our perfect day on Saturday with...

A broken start line stay in Jumpers = a dropped bar and a wrong course.  
A total devilish running dog walk into a way-too-tempting tunnel (hint, she has a stopped DW!)
And a naughty wrong course tunnel NQ in Standard that I could have been clearer about.   But my angel of Saturday would not have done that!

But BE STILL MY HEART, those weaves!!!!!!!   And my handling!   I handled her 180 and then calmly indicated the weaves and got running down the line as she committed.   No babying, micromanaging or stressing her out.   We are Getting There.   And like shedding my Standard-phobia, once the ball got rolling it feels more and more natural and like less of a chore.

We did qualify in Jackpot and Fullhouse, of course of course.   Here is Molly's Jackpot run.

I so desperately want to return to AKC Agility!  We will continue to work on training the weaves (I have been practicing some random reinforcement with great success - throwing Molly's ball randomly and allowing her to leave the weaves before the 12th pole.  It has been building her excitement and increasing her speed!) and we will continue to work on my handling.   I am really proud of our progress but I don't want to put pressure on us before we are ready.  I have overcome so many mental hurdles this year and none of that came easily for me.   I have a goal date of February 2017 for Molly and I to return to AKC Agility.

Will we be perfect?   Hell no!  Will I be able to walk into the ring and not worry, "I can handle this course but she will never get that weave entry."    I truly think so.  I know this now, I should never have been entering trials with that kind of pressure and that kind of uncertainty.   And if I start to become unraveled, if Molly isn't ready...we will retreat again to a venue with less pressure.  

I must confess: I dream of a MACH.   I do.   I can't help it.   And I have accepted that it likely won't happen for Molly and I.   I have plenty of great excuses: We are not consistent enough.  Molly will be 8 next year, and might be too old.   It is a costly venture.   And to me it seems like a wildly intense goal that would not come without pressure.   I have put so much pressure on both of us with my inexperience, and I am loathe to put that kind of pressure on us again.  It's not even about achieving those letters, that ribbon, that title - it's about taking a new path on our journey together that would be more challenging than what we have already enjoyed together.   But not at the cost of extinguishing the beautiful teamwork I have unlocked within the last year...our bond has grown so close that it brings tears of love to my eyes.   So maybe a MACH is not so much my goal, so much as I want to play agility with my incredible partner, in the venue that gives me the most joy and energy.  And maybe I'm not afraid to still say that the sky is the limit.  We have already come so much further than I ever thought possible - the joy is in continuing to push for improvement and growth.    

Fake It Til You Make It

I have been extremely down-and-out crushed about weave poles lately.  I have put more time and energy into training the weave poles than any other obstacle for sure - as it should be!   I work hard on proofing, on independance and entries.   I have pushed myself so hard to improve my handling, my pressure, my stress - and that has not been easy.   I still fail a lot.   But I never stop trying.   Lately, though, I have wanted to stop trying.   I feel like I have hit a wall.

My husband Vince and I were taking our regular evening neighborhood walk with the dogs last Sunday night.   V could care less about agility, or dog sports in general, and he has a very limited attention span for discussion of any of these subjects.  That does not stop me from talking about them!   And every now and then, he comes up with these incredible one sentence words of wisdom that really hit home.   I was talking about Molly's weave poles.  After some back and forth it all finally came to the core of the matter: my stress.   And he said, "You expect her to fail, so she does."

That gutted me, it brought tears to my eyes.   It is absolutely the truest thing anybody could have said.   When I do the walk through I think, "She can't get that entry at a trial."  I never do my walkthrough with the mindset of handling the weaves as though Molly would just get the entry and do the weaves, it is always some dumbed down version of handling in order to "help" her do what she is more than capable of doing.   And a lot of thought to how I can be a Good Handler.   Shoulders forward, jogging...I am trying so hard.  But my mind is not there and Molly knows it.  I know it.  I don't believe in her.  I do, but I don't know how to let go and show her that I do.

Is it about "the Q"?  I care about qualifying, but it is not my end all be all.   I NQ a lot and I move on and analyze what went right and I am content with that.  A friend and I were talking and we were talking specifically about The Pressure.   The pressure of competition and how hard that can be on a team, the pressure for advancement.  But the mind is a tricky place and I had to ask, "Where is the pressure coming from for me?"   The pressure for me is coming from wanting to fix this issue, wanting so badly to make progress on this issue.   It is not about a title or moving up a level or "the Q".   It is about years of work and growth together with my girl and this one thing just keeps knocking us down.   It doesn't seem to get better.   I want to fly at it and fix it, attack it and crush it.   We fixed the A-frame and the Dog Walk.  But the weaves remain a pathetically unresolved issue and I think my pressure comes from feeling like a failure to my dog and a failure as a trainer.   "But this trial! we are going to have nice weaves because I am going to do x, y and z!"    But progress is not a linear path.

I must stop saying negative things about Molly's weaves.   I must stop doubting her.   I must stop expecting her to fail, or she will continue to fail.  In the beginning of the year I made a similar decision about Standard class and it worked.   Such is the power of the mental game.   It is not woo-woo, it is not silly - there is power in words.   There is power in thoughts.

So, today.   We did USDAA.  Molly ran in P2 Gamblers and it was a tunnel to two jumps that were ludicrously far away, I never thought she would get them - she did! (But then a dummy jump snagged her.)  I didn't care, I was so proud of her!
Standard...the weave entry was hard, A-frame to jump and then a sort of tandem turn into the weaves.   And here I realized how I hold back - my first instinct was, "You can't tandem turn her into the weaves at a trial.   She'll never get the entry."   I pushed that thought aside.   I ran her down that Aframe, over the jump and I turned her at the entry.   She missed it.   And that's gonna happen, but I have got to start handling her into those weaves with confidence.   I pulled her back and pep talked to her and she flew through the weaves.   I jogged alongside of her and kept my hand outstretched - her weaves were lovely.   We NQd 1.79 seconds overtime but I'll take that over a Q with slow sad weaves any day!
We did Pairs next and her weaves this time were out of a tunnel and I just...did my best.   I don't really remember what i did but she grabbed her entry and weaved like a boss.  

I am trying.   We will get there!   I believe sweet Perri will fall right in line when I get my brain under control with Molly.   She is sensitive and absolutely cannot handle pressure.

Perri only did Standard and Pairs today and she qualified in both.   She dropped on the table!   This was very exciting - last time we tried USDAA Standard and I asked Perri to drop on the table she gave me her paw.  (As in, the hand shake dog trick)   We have been working hard since I entered her in Standard (thanks to the chute being gone!) on dropping on hard surfaces.   And her weaves were happy and fast and I was so proud of her.   And in the walkthrough I recognized and caught myself.   The weaves were out of a tunnel and I had negative thinking - "she will be going too fast, better slow her down for the entry."   Recognizing these thoughts moving forward will be important.   Perri did pop out, she was distracted by a ring crew person sitting next to the weaves, but I put her back in where she left and she continued weaving at a nice clip.   Accept failure, believe in my dog.   Trust.   Positive thinking!

Pairs was fun - we ran with our dear friends Donna and Sly for a first place and a Q.   Sly did the weaves for Perri, like a proper gentleman!  

We will be returning to some more USDAA, I think.   My new training club hosts four USDAA trials a year, and I like the challenge.   I love AKC, but with the refusal rules it is putting a lot of stress and pressure on me that I am just not ready for with the weave poles - I can see that now.   USDAA is a good addition to CPE for us right now.  

CPE Nationals - 3 Days of FUN!

Time to continue mine and Molly's CPE Nationals adventure!

Friday we arrived at the Champions Center bright and early for the longest CPE briefing I have ever heard!   I had a good idea of which ring we needed to be in, when, as well as two other local friends in my group (There were 18 different groups - Molly and I were in I-2.)  All of the groups cycled through the six different rings in "rotations" and there were three courses each day.

Friday was: Standard, Fullhouse and Jumpers.   After Thursday I was feeling a little bit deflated, but we were going to get to run Fullhouse indoors and we would be able to build confidence before our last run of the day in the outdoor ring (Jumpers.)  Other groups had different run orders and different rings they needed to be in, but ours was as good a set up as I could ask for.

Standard was first.  Molly breaks her start line stay, triggering a completely ineffective and late rear cross.   We NQ in short order with a wrong course on the teeter (and a comedy-show attempt to get onto the wrong end of the teeter!)   Another wrong course after the weaves into the tunnel but hey, who cares at that point.   Happy with the brain-using on the dog walk contact!

Fullhouse was our typical relaxed, rack 'em up style.    We earned 43 points, one point shy of our personal best in Fullhouse.   This was our only Q of the day and the closest we came to being in the ribbons all weekend!

Jumpers was last, outdoors.   A lot of complaining all around about the Jumpers course.   I had more important things on my mind - keeping Molly under BagBrain threshold!   I was "as jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs" waiting for our turn to go into the ring.   She misses the tire jump and I could blame that on myself for not supporting it enough.   I just wanted to get going and have some success in the ring (from Molly's perspective, not a Q-perspective.)   It could also have been residual outdoor-ring stress, which she has plenty of.   The course goes okay, I decel too soon and she runs around the right side of one jump.   Some awkward handling on my part deciding whether or not to wrap her around the third-to-last jump.    I was absolutely thrilled with this run and how Molly cooperated with me in the outdoor ring!

Saturday we really started to relax into the game.  

We had Jackpot first.   I hear that Jackpot at Nationals is always traditional, meaning that it is always point-gathering and you proceed to the "Gamble" when the buzzer sounds.   I hear it is always more challenging than your average trial's gamble, as it should be.   When I saw the weaves in the gamble I knew we did not have much of a chance but I had fun plotting and planning with everyone else, like my dog was normal or something.  (haha!)   My plan was to recall Molly to me after the 2-Tunnel.   Get her head.   Ask her "Do you See?" as we practiced in her weave class, get her to see the weaves.   And send her.   I recalled her but didn't have her focused on me enough, I was rushing.   She took the 6-tunnel rather than the weaves.   All in good fun!  26 dogs out of 700-something entered completed the gamble.

We had to do Wildcard in the outdoor ring next and I was feeling that this was the only course we could possibly earn a Q on for Saturday.   I felt very positive after our success in the Jumpers ring the day before.   Unfortunately a cocker spaniel under the shade tent had a reactive episode towards Molly and air snapped and lunged at her face.   This got her wound up and I had to move to the blazing direct 90-degree sun next to the ring.   She tries to run out of the ring and then is off like a bat out of hell when I release her, and that completely caught me off guard!   She had wilted considerably in the heat and was very pokey walking into the ring so I just didn't expect that.   I was terribly late with my front cross out of the tunnel and she completely fails to read it and takes a wrong course jump.   Now our teamwork was completely thrown off and after the weaves she takes a tempting wrong course jump again.   So, I just left - and I won't say I wasn't frustrated.   I hosed Molly off and put her cool coat on her and let her chill in her crate with the fan and ate some lunch.   We took a break from each other.

A long break until Standard.   Did some timing ring work and got to relax and watch some other teams, and cool off inside the building.   By the time it was our turn to run Standard, I was so sleepy and exhausted I said "I could lay down right in this dirt and go to sleep."   Molly felt the same way because she wasn't running too fast but...she surprised me with a Q!   Yay!

Our last day we started in the outdoor ring with Colors.  This course was a Q with 3 time faults for being overtime for....the weaves.   Her weaves completely fell apart and she was so stressed about it that she sniffed the entire way out of the ring (On her leash) and did not even want her post-run treat.   She was too busy with her nose glued to the ground, stress sniffing.   That broke my heart.   I gave her a treat and told her she was a good girl and asked for some nose touches and spins and then she really perked up.  A lot of question marks in our future regarding outdoor rings. 

Next was Standard and besides a refusal in the beginning (non-scoreable in CPE and I'm pretty sure she thought I was sending her to the backside despite no wing)  it was a lovely run until the weaves.   She completely fell apart.   I tried to give her space, let her get her own entry and she stressed down.   We were 20 seconds over time.  I was very proud of us for getting all of the handling challenges earlier in the course - there were lots of tunnel discriminations and Molly did great with that.  

Our last run of Nationals was Snooker.  Nice opening, late front-cross that I should have just "pulled" instead of and she was in a wrong course tunnel and we NQd.   Oh well.   The video cuts out but I will never forget Molly's joy here as she hits the table she did one of her big Tigger-bounces off the table.   She does that when she's really happy and I just loved it!   I was disappointed we didn't make it through the closing but I loved that moment!

So, we got one Q each day.   Three ribbons.   Molly never jumped out of or ran out of the ring.  We held our own on many of the courses (which quite a few people said were harder than is usual at Nationals.)   I'm glad for that, they should be challenging.   When Molly is really on, and the reactivity and craziness have settled down, then I get to really enjoy handling.   But until that point there is so much extra noise buzzing around in our heads.   I, we, we do the best that we can.   Molly is naughty and despite all of our hard work she has a short attention span, a low frustration threshold and minimal self control.   But she gives me everything she has, whenever she can.   She tries, I know that.

On our drive home Monday, between rest stops and state park stops (another post for another day) I watched Facebook.   Ribbon photos, placements, High in Trial plaque photos, awards issued and great successes attained by many teams that I know, and many teams that I do not.   There were none of these for Molly and I - but we did have those three ribbons.   One Fullhouse Q and two Qs I felt we barely deserved (toenail-in contact in Standard, two time faults shy of an NQ in Colors.)   But still, we did that.   

But the most successful moments for me weren't those ribbons.   It was the people, at least two every day...and more...people from different states who had never seen Molly and I....people who could not resist going out of their way to approach me and tell me...

"I love watching that dog.   She is having so much fun."

"She is so happy!"

"She is so fun to watch!"
"She is beautiful."

"It must be a real rush to run your dog."

It is.   She is naughty, she embarrasses me, she humped me and bit me, she makes me feel so small and ineffectual.   But I am good at regaining perspective, I am good at finding the good.   My heart is so big with pride that Molly makes people happy.   Everything she does is so big, people just eat it up.   She is definitely no cookie cutter dog - you just can't help but stop and watch.   And laugh.   And love her.  Eternal gratefulness to this dog for being by my side for such a fun adventure.  She did not make it easy, she did not make it perfect - but she made it unique and special and she made it our's.   The very best.