This is not happening.

It is time to post this.

Yesterday, just at the end of my work shift, I got The Phone Call.   I knew it as soon as I heard the vet's tone.  I could hear it in the reluctance of his words as we droned through the obligatory introductory small talk and the proper presentation of the results.   Molly has lymphoma.

We should do x-rays to make sure it has not spread everywhere.   We can do chemo at the office.   We can see an oncologist.   Cancer sucks.   The sky is the limit in treating lymphoma.   Much more treatable than other canine cancers.   Stuff.   Lots of stuff.

I was completely overwhelmed.   I anticipated this result, but I was still overwhelmed.   I knew I wanted to deal with an oncologist.   I asked who he recommended.

At home last evening I discovered a great gift, the Lymphoma Heart Dogs in chemo group on Facebook.   It was originally a Yahoo group.   You are only eligible to join the group if you are treating your lymphoma dog with chemotherapy.   I intend to do so.   The group is a wealth of knowledge, and right away a moderator was messaging me, answering questions, offering support and showing me around a world that is foreign and scary.    A world I never ever wanted to be a part of.

I have been reading.   Exchanging PMs, emails and phone calls.   Hearing about dogs who barely achieved remission, dogs who fought long hard battles, dogs who have been in remission for years.   Every journey is different.   Ignore statistics.   Get some weight on Molly so she has some to lose.   Don't cry around Molly.  Breathe.

Molly is great.   She has energy, appetite, she is acting just like she always does.   It is unbelievable that she is sick.   I stare at her, I feel her, scrutinizing her body for any real signs of illness.  Her bloodwork was normal.   None of her other lymph nodes are swollen.  These are all good, positive things that I cling to.   Things that I hope mean that my girl might be one of the lucky ones who achieves a years-long remission.

Molly has an appointment with an oncologist on Monday.  She will have x-rays tomorrow at our regular vet.  

Breathe.