Agility Hiatus for Perri

Last weekend I took Perri to a CPE trial.   I entered her in three runs.   She NQd every single run all for errors of stress. (stressing up and zooming and taking a wrong course while doing so.   Stressing down and staring into space and running us over time in the other two.)

I have nothing left, I do not know what to do but to retreat.   Perri needs a break and I cannot even say for how long.   On the day of that trial I enjoyed a quick cry on the way home and treated both of us to some ice cream.   I don't even know why this happened to us.

My brain has started dropping back in over the last week.   This weekend was another CPE trial that I had entered Perri in, but I substituted her entries for Molly to enjoy.   Molly and I had a really lovely weekend with a strong connection in the ring.   It felt very peaceful to trial with only Molly, just me and her like the "old days".   Running Perri was putting pressure on me, much less what Perri was feeling.   Not fair to either of us.   I did bring Perri along with us because she would rather die than stay home.   I brought her into the trial building a lot between runs to socialize and eat treats and do tricks - but no you do not have to go in that ring.   

I am having thoughts of a few months off and then some toy runs in UKI or Intro USDAA.   I must practice never ever stopping when she stops, never letting her know there was a wrong course or an error.  Sure I never correct Perri or intentionally shut her down, but even cheerfully asking for her to repeat something or the subtle body language that something went wrong does not go unnoticed by her.   I am giving a lot of thought to never running Perri on dirt again.   The dirt stresses her up into zoomies and I think it may have added a lot of stress and conflict into our relationship in the ring, more than I realize.  

Anyway.   It is all "Maybe" and "What If."   I don't know where we will end up.   But what I do know is that we need to take a step back.   I don't think it is wrong of me to hope it is not permanent.   I love running my Perri, she is a fun and gorgeous partner when she is "on" and worry free.   We have achieved this together during our time together and I hope we can do so again.   It feels so hard to hold on to.   We work so hard to get to that sweet spot and before long it slips through my hands like sand.  The time has come to stop trying to grasp at what we once had, to stop holding onto memories and wishes.   I am letting go and I will be honored if we can return to the ring again.

DTCCC Fun Run January 2016

The "agility gods" must have seen that I needed a pick me up, because Molly and I had a really nice little day at our club's fun run today!  We did two runs and I chose to do the Masters level course (you could choose Novice, Open, Masters.)  We ran it two times, and the second time I was able to smooth over some minor handling issues that I was having!

The first run Molly was pumped, she was really fast and flying high and was apparently very fun to watch!  And somehow I managed to handle her on the course albeit with two bobbles (though not outright wrong courses or refusals, just bobbles.)   She got her weave entry and did fast weaves, and of course did all of her contacts.

The second run is on the video.   The two areas we had our bobbles in the first run was a lack of decel on my part after the teeter (we nearly had a wrong course.) and after the first tunnel I wasn't signally the next jump properly.   I was making it much harder than it had to be and a simple little push worked well enough to get the job done.  I pushed myself out of my comfort zone with front crosses on both runs and I feel really great about her ability to read them - she's watching me, and I am trying my best to be "early" enough.

I wish I had our first run on video, we were on fire!

My favorite part of today was our car ride to and from the training center.  No stress panting and shaking!!  We are clear of prednisone and Molly is back to feeling relaxed in the car.   I put her Thundershirt on for the ride to DTCCC, but the ride back she went "naked" and was happy and calm.  Day made!

The only negative thing of the day was that when I expressed Molly's anal glands this evening, the left one was empty but the right one had fluid in and it was dark red.   So, still infection and blood in there.  She is on a stronger antibiotic since Monday night...hopefully it needs a little more time.  It is good to be off of agility trials while we are getting this infection straightened out.  I also need to be more faithful with warm compresses to the hind end for Molly, maybe that will help the drugs with healing this infection once and for all!

She's Come Undone.

You learn a new thing every day.   I learned some new things this weekend, specifically concerning my dog Molly taking Prednisone for her anal gland infection.  The vet said, "She might be hungrier or thirstier, those are normal side effects."

Ein has taken a couple rounds of pred in his life and was predictably immune to any side effects.  He's just that kind of guy.

I thought Molly might be like that to, and she was.   Until Saturday.  She started becoming needy and restless.  She started drinking and having to go outside to pee a lot.  When we were sitting in the waiting room on Saturday for Molly's recheck, she was brimming with anxiety and actually chattering her teeth.   The calmness and lack of reactive dog melt downs that I was proud of on Monday night was gone.  She was whiney and vocal at best, and finally had a full on screaming melt down at a very sick and sad looking rottweiler who lumbered into the door minding his very own sad business.  On the ride home she was shuddering in her crate and chattering her teeth.  

Sunday she went "off the rails".   I took Molly and Perri for a hike, we were out for probably two hours total.  Molly's car anxiety was back with a vengeance (we had been enjoying some improvement in that area.)   She was shaking so badly and panting so hard I thought she would stroke out.   Her ears and the skin surrounding her eyes, her lips and her nose were bright red.  If she stopped panting at all, her teeth chattered violently.   When we got home I thought she would surely be exhausted.

She couldn't stop pacing.  She followed Vince or I wherever we went.  She didn't want to play tug.   She would settle down and chew on her nylabone like a maniac, there were literally little pieces of nylabone shavings falling to the floor.  She would then lay over with her eyes wide open, not resting at all.   Molly is typically dead to the world after even a one hour hike, and especially after a stressful episode in the car.  But she could not sleep.   She was a mess all night.   I had to let her out to pee at least four times and each time she was back up and unable to calm down and rest.  All I could think about was the title of my favorite Wally Lamb book - "She's Come Undone."

I started chatting with a few of my close dog friends about how scared I was for Molly.   This was it, she needed to go on medication for her anxiety.   Or, surely there was a physical pain causing this much anxiety?  Laying out all of the symptoms with feedback from other dog-experienced people helped me think....could it be the prednisone?   The vet had not mentioned anxiety as a side effect.

Oh, but it is a side effect of pred.   "Personality and behavior changes." "Anxiety".  Not as common a side effect as the thirst and hunger but definitely a place to blame Molly's insane behavior.  I talked to my coworkers at the hospital about it the next day and everyone seemed to know but me! "Oh yes, Prednisone can make you crazy.  Poor Molly!"  I called the vet office to see when is the soonest that Molly could come off the pred (she is done with it on Thursday), and they said to half her daily dose to start with.  Whew.

Molly was much calmer tonight, though still clingy and needy.   In better news, Molly's infected anal gland expressed easily and free of blood on Saturday.   Some good news!

Our next car ride will be Wednesday, to the vet for another recheck.  We will be thundershirt-ing and riding with a bully stick and hoping that Molly can remain calm on the 20 minute ride to the vet.  Every time her car anxiety seems to be improving, it comes back.   Even though we have a "reason" this time, it still really stinks.